The road never seems to be easy

As I told you all a few weeks ago, Kyle and I had decided to move ahead with the fertility treatments, so after we got back from the beach we had to head to Augusta, to have blood work and an ultrasound, we went to Augusta thinking that we were going to start our new cycle and maybe finally have the child that we so desperately want, but it appeared that God had other plans. As they did the ultrasound the doctor found a growth on one of my ovaries, which due to my condition is not unusual, so everything had to be put on hold to make sure it goes away, due to the risks of the injections the ultrasound had to be clear. So we have to wait another four weeks to see if things have changed and we can move forward. In the meantime, called the mail order pharmacy to go ahead and have all my medications lined up so they would be here when the time is right, but once again things are not going as planned. A few months ago in preparation for the possibility of this treatment I called our insurance company to verify that they would in fact cover the medication she said yes as long as my doctor called and had it pre-approved. Being that it is super, super expensive, and when I say expensive I don’t mean just hundreds of dollars, well above that I was very relieved. Then I get a call from the pharmacy telling me that insurance has denied my claim and will not pay for the medications. So being that I am very familiar with insurance companies I called to see what the deal was. I was told at that point, which they, the insurance company had decided that the medication was not necessary and therefore denied the claim, was denied. Amazing I guess since they have no idea what is going on and oh yeah they are not doctors or nurses, but I guess this is what we have to look forward to with universal healthcare, someone else making the decision for us. We are still going forward; we will figure everything out as it comes along.
A few nights ago I was looking at some things of Zach’s pictures, videos, etc.. I clicked on one of the videos he was laying in Kyle’s lap, just looking around, and started crying, cooing, like babies do. Before I knew it I was crying but I realized I also loved knowing that I had that video and the pictures and the moments with him, that is better than nothing at all. I had pulled things out because a workout club The Omni is planning a softball tournament in memory of Zach with proceeds going to Zach Nation which we will give to the March of Dimes, I hope to have more info soon for anyone interested, we are so excited about the opportunity.
So to add to the anxiety that I am already having which comes and goes, Maddie Grace started first grade today, WOW! My little girl in first grade, I had a lot of hesitation this morning when we started getting ready but she much to my surprise made me feel better. Kyle and I walked her in and she went straight to her desk, unpacked and was ready for the day, no tears were shed I really don’t think she wanted us to stay as long as we did, she was fine and was going to have a great day. When I picked her up this afternoon, she sweetly told me, “now mama tomorrow I can get out at car riders you don’t need to walk me in”, heart breaking but happy at the same time, it means we are doing our job as parents at least we are trying I should say.
One last thing I wanted to mention was baby Ellen that I have been getting all of you to pray for, she has made HUGE improvements and is in the Ronald McDonald Transplant recovery house now, with the possibility of going home very soon, what a blessing for them please continue to keep the entire family in your prayers, her recovery is nothing short of a miracle. The other night when we found out how great she was doing Kyle and I both were very excited for John and Dorothy I know that they are so grateful. At the same time there is always that bit of jealousy and wonder. Jealous that we didn’t get our miracle our happy ending, and wonder what we did or didn’t do that made our circumstances different. Pray for us as we hope that things may if God is willing, change and maybe just maybe we can catch a break too.