Waiting for Fall

I am not sure where you are but we have started to see glimpses of fall for the last week or so, and boy do I want cooler weather. Although I love the pool and summer fun there is nothing better than a cold day and a sweater. And of course a Georgia Football game to go along with it. The last few weeks have been busy physically and emotionally draining. With the constant driving to Augusta at the crack of dawn, it tends to take a lot out of you. My RE raised my meds for this cycle by 2 ½ times and by the end we still had not really seen the response that she wanted, although it was a little better than the first unsuccessful cycle it was no really where she wanted things to be. So once again we are waiting, you would think that as much as I have been waiting lately I would have become much better at it but sadly that is a no. I am trying though, when you are a control type of person like me, it all makes this a huge test in faith, like we didn’t already know that. Maddie Grace is doing very well in school and loves all the new things she is learning in 1^st grade, she is reading so well and is so excited to read to you or anyone else who will listen. I am so glad that she loves it I really want her to enjoy reading like Kyle and I do. There is nothing like being engrossed in a good book. She has still had a few things that have come up which impress upon us how much we still need to boost her confidence, we had a friend over to play the other day, and I heard them in the backseat talking about how she had a little sister, when she then looked at Maddie Grace and said “you do not have a sister like me” and of course Maddie Grace responded and said no I have a brother, as my skin began to tighten I new what was next and without a missed step it came out of her mouth like water out of the sink, “but your brother is dead” and whack just that fast and hard but without skipping a beat herself, Maddie Grace looked at her and said but he is alive in heaven and will always be in our hearts. Well that was it, the tears began to flow like rain, I was so proud of her, we know that some things have started to sink in. And as the days draw closer to Zach’s birthday she remembers everything like it was yesterday just as we do. She even remembers the kids stealing the candy bowl off of our porch that night after we had left for the hospital. When they say kids are like sponges that is an understatement and it doesn’t mean just the good things either. When we went to Augusta last week we had to take her with us and you could tell as soon as she saw the hospital she was very uncomfortable.My compassionate friends group added a new online video to explain about compassionate friends and about losing a child, it is a wonderful video and really gives those who have not lost a child a small window into our world. I have added it here and if you are interested take a look at it.We had supper club in September as well and it was yummy!!! Todd and Julie thanks so much for hosting. It was so much fun to stuff our bellies and let the kids go (they were invited this month) and enjoy adult conversation, it was a lot of fun. We do it every other month with a new host each time. November is our month to host and those that know me know how much I love to cook, so I am getting ready trying new recipes, because everyone knows you NEVER try a new recipe on the night of a party. I am very excited. Anyone with any great recipes, please send them to me I love trying something different.Please keep us in your prayers as you all have been so kind to do as Zach’s birthday approaches and as we continue to travel this road of infertility. Although we are more than aware that we are not the only person to be at this place right now, sometimes if feels like it. There are millions of families facing infertility and sadly there millions facing the loss of a child, but we know that God will lead us through this too, he never promised it would be easy and only promised he would be there when it is tough. Many times as Christians we, and when I say we I mean me too, expect that because we are Christians things should be easier that we should not face the challenges that others do. We find our selves believing the lies that if we had more faith or prayed harder that the outcome would have been different or believe that God is punishing us by taking someone away. Although these experiences will be used to teach us and others, they are for a greater purpose, like those that have been touched by Zach. Although God embraces our anger at these time and somehow returns it with love.

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God,the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary;his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint,and strengthens the powerless.Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall exhausted;but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength,they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary,they shall walk and not faint.Isaiah 40:28-31